Green Bean Casserole from Scratch

Submitted by Anonymous

This green bean casserole is from Sally’s Baking Recipes. I would gladly put my life in Sally McKenney’s hands. I made this recipe for the first time in November 2019 for my first Friendsgiving. This was when I started my favorite tradition of having an admission fee for dinners. Everyone has to bring a piece of ugly art for the fridge and help in the kitchen. The point of an admission fee is to get everyone to participate and the first thing we do after they walk in is laugh at their creation. At our first Friendsgiving Ethan drew hand turkeys with speech bubbles that said: “I’ve committed arson!” and my favorite, “I’m responsible for war crimes!” Now that we’re getting older I imagine Izzie will bring quirky wine labels and I’ll always take Nina’s old drawing assignments. I can’t wait to move out of my parents house so I can properly set up a temple to worship my friends. I’ve lived in my current house since my tenth birthday and consider it the setting for most of my bildungsroman. This recipe marks the last chapter of my adolescence.

Ingredients:

Fried Onions

1 large onion

1/2 cup all-purpose flour

3/4 cup breadcrumbs

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 large egg

1 Tablespoon milk

Green Bean Casserole

1 Tablespoon + 1 teaspoon salt, divided

1 pound fresh green beans, rinsed, trimmed and halved

2 Tablespoons unsalted butter

1 large orange bell pepper, cut julienne

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 Tablespoons all-purpose flour

3/4 cup chicken or vegetable broth

1 and 1/4 cups  half-and-half

Instructions:

1)    Know that you are your own person. You are about to create something beautiful. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and preheat the oven to 475 degrees fahrenheit.

2)    Pity your mother. She will never see what you actually look like. She can only see you as an extension of herself. Set up your onion station. You’ll need three bowls: one for flour, one for an egg and milk mixture, and the last one for your breadcrumbs and spices. I learned from grandmothers on the prairie that you can run an onion under cold water after peeling it to keep you from crying when you cut it. Thinly slice your onion. If she arrived on time, ask Nina to hold up her hand. You don’t want the slices to be bigger than her pinky. Nina is the shortest person in the group and hates breading the onions. This is the worst part. Remember to keep one hand dry and the other wet. Dip your onion slices in flour, then the egg mixture, and then your breadcrumbs. Drop em on your baking sheet and spread out enough so they don’t stick together. Bake until golden brown, or about 20 minutes. Flip them at the 10 minute mark and set aside when you’re satisfied.

3)    By this point your mother should have come into the kitchen to interrupt your peace and concentration. She will tell you she’s impressed that you’re cooking because as far as she’s concerned your hobbies are sleeping and being a disappointment. Reduce the oven to 400 degrees fahrenheit.

4)    When she leaves you seriously consider quitting. You’re no longer your own person now. Cooking has been added to the plot and you’re terrified of plots. If you quit now there’s a chance you might be able to stop her fairytale in its tracks. However, you must remember you’re not doing this for her. You're doing this for your friends. Your friends are different. The food will get made. Now you can chop the ends off of your green beans and cut them in half. These can be longer than Nina’s pinky. They can be as long as Ethan’s pinky if you want. Use the ends for compost. Bring a gallon of water and 1 Tablespoon of salt to a boil in a large pot. Fill a large bowl with ice and water. This will make sense in a minute. Add the beans to the boiling water and blanch for 5 minutes. Drain immediately and put the beans in your ice water to stop the cooking process. Drain again and set aside.

5)    One day you will cook this recipe in your own kitchen. You will paint it blue and grow your own herbs. Your mother won’t fly into a rage when there are dirty dishes in the sink. Understand that as a child your parents are doing everything they can. Also understand that you’re 21 years old and that makes you your mother’s biggest enemy. It’s your job to remember this and hers to forget. For the casserole: Nobody knows what julienne means so you can prep the produce and laugh at Ethan’s stirring technique. Over medium-high heat, he can melt the butter in a large saucepan. You might as well tell him to use the dutch oven with the chipped handle. The flaw is smaller than a pea but it still prompted mom to get a newer, bigger pot. The smaller one will be yours one day because your mother is generous. Add the bell pepper, 1 teaspoon salt, and the pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally for about five minutes. Add the garlic, stir, and cook for another 2 minutes. Tell Ethan he can sprinkle the flour on top and he’ll do it with a flourish that reminds you why you love him. Give him a hug because he’s doing such a good job. Upon seeing this Izzie will need a hug too. These are the people that taught you what love really is. Let the flour soak up the moisture. Add the chicken broth and simmer for 3 minutes. Decrease the heat to medium-low and add the half-and-half. Ethan will stir lazily while he tells you one of his famous anecdotes. Hopefully it’s one where you know all the words. Cook until the mixture is thick, about 10 minutes or longer if you want a ‘thicc’ sauce.

6)    Everyone will have arrived by now and you should all be dancing like idiots. You are your own person and you are creating something beautiful.Get out the white ceramic casserole dish with the blue flowers. Add a quarter to a third of the fried onions and your green beans. Take the sauce from the stove and pour it on top of the beans. Give it your final loving nudge to combine the sauce and beans. Top with the rest of the onions. Tell your casserole you’ll see it soon and wish it good luck when you put it in the oven. Bake for about 10-15 minutes and make sure not to burn the onions on top.

7)    Serve with a genuine smile. You can easily make one at home after spending two minutes with your friends. Eat and know you are fulfilled.

Notes:

Mom will eat all the leftovers and tell you in a condescending way that she loves when someone else cooks. Grace will tell you that even though this isn’t their favorite dish they still think you’re a better cook than mom.

You can substitute 8 ounces of mushrooms for the bell pepper if that’s not your jam

Really use half and half for your sauce. Using whole milk or buttermilk won’t thicken it as much

The most important ingredient is unconditional love. If you need to make it ahead of time, complete all the steps before baking and cover the top of the dish with foil or plastic wrap. I find that the experience of making it with friends brings out more flavor and joy.

Thank you.